Emotional Week!

Well, last Wednesday, I got a call that I had been anticipating for 16 years... I got a call from my daughter, Hanna.

I have been in Hanna's life since she was born, but knew that I could not give her the life that I so desperately wanted her to have. I did not want her to live with the things that I had survived, and made the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and that was to give her to my loving friends, who have been awesome parents to her. Imagine giving birth to a brand new baby that you loved so much, so desperately, then handing her to someone else.....heartbreaking? Absolutely. It left a void and a hole in my heart for a very loooong time, even though I knew I was making the best choice I could for the one person I loved more than anything.

I have seen my daughter MANY MANY times through the years...Her first year, we met up for lunches and dinners, etc. We celebrated her first birthday together, over the course of several years it went on this way. When I had Skyler they visited us at my Grandmothers, and I have beautiful pictures of our 4 generations (My Grandma on dad's side, my Dad, Me, Hanna and Skyler). It would be the last time we ever had that moment, because my Grandma passed away 2 years later.

I watched my daughter in her school plays. I saw her perform her awesome dance productions, and even attended one of her church ceremonies when she was 13. I saw her again a year later when she was 14...but then I moved away. Talk about hard to do...I knew it would be quite a while until I could see the first love of my life again...the one that I loved more than even myself.

Even though I saw my daughter, she had no idea that I was her birth Mom. I was simply a "family friend". And that was a missing piece for me.

On May 14th, I got a phone call that would change all of that...The one where she found out who I was for real, and we spoke for quite a while...twice, actually. She found me on Myspace within an hour, and we added each other to our pages as quick as we could....

My final "piece" placed in the puzzle of my complicated life. It has been amazing, yet overwhelming at the same time. So many floods of emotion have overcome me this week. From joy, to saddness, and everything in between....

In the meantime,

This week Skyler became a 5th grader....we got his awards, one of which included a Principal's Award for maintaining straight A's ALL YEAR LONG!!!! YEAH, SKYLER!!!!! He has done SO well this year...I am SO PROUD!

He has been so understanding through all of this, and today when he came in and saw that I wasn't "quite right", he decided that he was going to change the mood in the household......He logged into his online page, started blasting a song called "Gummy Bear" and launched himself into the most hysterical wanna be stripper, crazy dance routine that I had ever seen. This boy really knows how to change the atmosphere, he always has, lol.

From the moment that I found out that I was pregnant with Skyler, even though things were not the most opportune, he has been my light at the end of every tunnel that I have gone through. His infectious smile melts my heart and takes my breath away, even when he does something wrong.....

I absolutely love my kids! What an emotional roller coaster this week has been!!!!

****UPDATE AS of later in the day******

More news...I just got a call from my daughters adoptive Mom...after 20-some years of marriage, they have decided to split. While I know that people do go through this, I am sad for them.....I am in shock right now. I just got the call from her a few minutes ago, and it is just settling into my brain.

This is so much to have happened all in one week....my daughter's head must be spinning as much as mine is, and I am an adult. Wow....what happens now? I guess we just continue on, and support one another, like we always do....

Hanna's Mom came to the hospital during one of the most painful times of my life...losing my Grandmother...She helped me get through that tragedy, now I hope I can be here to help her.

They say that adoption is a life long process....they were right.

Give and Take.....

Tonight before we went to bed, I realized that it was trash night....The little light in my head went off like a Blue light special in K-Mart...

"Honey..." I said....looking for the obvious response....

"Yes Dear...." I know he is thinking, "What does she want me to do now?"

I state the obvious....

"Ya know I was thinking....since we have such a Give and Take relationship, how about I GIVE you the trash from in the house, and you can TAKE it out to the street?"

At least it got a laugh outta him...and I got the trash taken out without having to ask 15 times.......

Happy Mommies Day!!!!

Hey Connie and Jen!!!!

I hope you both have a VERY happy Mommies Day today!!!

I have had a good day today ;-) I went shopping in Lawton...Joey bought me some clothes....4 pairs of pants, three shirts, and some cute jewlery ;-) I also got a really pretty 10 K gold necklace from Skyler that says "MOM" in a heart shape.....SO SWEET!!!!

Of course Joey was working today, so he can see what he bought me when he gets home ;-) haha!

We are having dinner at Mom's tonight...I bought steaks and Dale is going to cook them on the grill. Mom got a skillet she wanted and another rooster she had her eye on for a while.....

The flowers you sent were gorgeous, Connie!!!

I hope you both have a GREAT day today!!! Love ya both!!!

S~

Update

I have had so much going on in my mind today that I really wasn't sure what to blog about....so many touchy subjects to deliver to my pages, yet, I know that sometimes I need to just let things roll until I can put them into a story here.

Once again, I didn't DO a whole lot today...this is going to get real old, real quick...however my SUV is having "issues" of which, hopefully tonight will be fixed.....Joey has a friend who was a mechanic for Ford for YEARS before he started working with him...anyhow...they are going to attempt to fix the problem tonight, and I was rather nervous to drive the thing since they said it sounded like the wheel bearing was about to "lock up"....whatever the heck that means....What I heard was...."If you DRIVE this thing before we fix it, you will find yourself 'huffing it' in 80 degree humid sauna weather". No thanks....I can see my make-up melting off my face as I picture that....

I did catch some rays today...I only stayed out for about an hour because I am about as white as a baby's butt right now. Next week we have my step sons graduation to attend. Since leaving Cali, I now experience "seasons"....They are HOT as HELL and COLD as ICE, and when you are as little as I have gotten, "pale" doesn't look so good. I am already aware that I will hear all the anorexia comments, because for some reason people here in OK think that you need to weigh 550 lbs to be HEALTHY....I am also very aware that my husbands ex wife will promplty go into "trash the new wife" mode and come up with any and every absurd nasty remark she can, and tell everyone about this "drug problem" that suddenly begun, as of the moment that I walked into the room at her ex husband's side. Small towns thrive on drama, and she is the queen of it all. It doesn't matter if it is fact or fiction for her to slam into "overdrive" and "over the top".

While I am excited to see my husbands eldest son go through this big event in his life...I am, however, dreading the aftermath of my pressence. I just don't want there to be any drama for him on his big day.

That is what is transpiring in my life at the moment ;-) Sounds like a ball, doesn't it ;-) haha!

Cakes and More

Well, I haven't been up to much lately....I hurt my upper back/ neck area pretty badly....I went to a chiropractor, and it made me nauseated...I always get that way when they do ANYTHING medically to me..or if I See anything medically being done....Sour stomach at its worst....he said my back issue is due to me being on the computer too much....so I have been trying to stay off some....anyone who knows me though, knows that in itself is a challange for me...I LOVE my puter!!!



Mom is having a little get together at thier house for some of the Moose members...she asked me to make a cake for the party, and this is what I came up with, LOL:

It wasn't as fun to make as the Easter cake and cupcakes I made in March:

But, it keeps me entertained at least. I would LOVE to attend a cake decorating class!!!! I think it would be a blast! ;-)

Here are a couple more cakes I have attempted, my, ahem, "expertise" is quite simple...They actually taste better than they look...LOL: