Emotional Week!

Well, last Wednesday, I got a call that I had been anticipating for 16 years... I got a call from my daughter, Hanna.

I have been in Hanna's life since she was born, but knew that I could not give her the life that I so desperately wanted her to have. I did not want her to live with the things that I had survived, and made the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and that was to give her to my loving friends, who have been awesome parents to her. Imagine giving birth to a brand new baby that you loved so much, so desperately, then handing her to someone else.....heartbreaking? Absolutely. It left a void and a hole in my heart for a very loooong time, even though I knew I was making the best choice I could for the one person I loved more than anything.

I have seen my daughter MANY MANY times through the years...Her first year, we met up for lunches and dinners, etc. We celebrated her first birthday together, over the course of several years it went on this way. When I had Skyler they visited us at my Grandmothers, and I have beautiful pictures of our 4 generations (My Grandma on dad's side, my Dad, Me, Hanna and Skyler). It would be the last time we ever had that moment, because my Grandma passed away 2 years later.

I watched my daughter in her school plays. I saw her perform her awesome dance productions, and even attended one of her church ceremonies when she was 13. I saw her again a year later when she was 14...but then I moved away. Talk about hard to do...I knew it would be quite a while until I could see the first love of my life again...the one that I loved more than even myself.

Even though I saw my daughter, she had no idea that I was her birth Mom. I was simply a "family friend". And that was a missing piece for me.

On May 14th, I got a phone call that would change all of that...The one where she found out who I was for real, and we spoke for quite a while...twice, actually. She found me on Myspace within an hour, and we added each other to our pages as quick as we could....

My final "piece" placed in the puzzle of my complicated life. It has been amazing, yet overwhelming at the same time. So many floods of emotion have overcome me this week. From joy, to saddness, and everything in between....

In the meantime,

This week Skyler became a 5th grader....we got his awards, one of which included a Principal's Award for maintaining straight A's ALL YEAR LONG!!!! YEAH, SKYLER!!!!! He has done SO well this year...I am SO PROUD!

He has been so understanding through all of this, and today when he came in and saw that I wasn't "quite right", he decided that he was going to change the mood in the household......He logged into his online page, started blasting a song called "Gummy Bear" and launched himself into the most hysterical wanna be stripper, crazy dance routine that I had ever seen. This boy really knows how to change the atmosphere, he always has, lol.

From the moment that I found out that I was pregnant with Skyler, even though things were not the most opportune, he has been my light at the end of every tunnel that I have gone through. His infectious smile melts my heart and takes my breath away, even when he does something wrong.....

I absolutely love my kids! What an emotional roller coaster this week has been!!!!

****UPDATE AS of later in the day******

More news...I just got a call from my daughters adoptive Mom...after 20-some years of marriage, they have decided to split. While I know that people do go through this, I am sad for them.....I am in shock right now. I just got the call from her a few minutes ago, and it is just settling into my brain.

This is so much to have happened all in one week....my daughter's head must be spinning as much as mine is, and I am an adult. Wow....what happens now? I guess we just continue on, and support one another, like we always do....

Hanna's Mom came to the hospital during one of the most painful times of my life...losing my Grandmother...She helped me get through that tragedy, now I hope I can be here to help her.

They say that adoption is a life long process....they were right.